Tight square kilometer

Tight square kilometer

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Kilometer TIGHT SQUARE, tragi-comedy that is in three acts.


AKT I, in which the characters find out what it means to be whites, in a country where one square kilometer lives 140 Africans.

Place: A typical Ugandan village


Heroes: White woman and man, here known as whites and the people of Uganda: moto - taxi drivers (bodziarze), seller, store customers, cook, Guests eatery.


Scene 1

At the crossroads. Young man pulls bodziarzy group asking for directions.

– Hi. How are you?

– Buahahhahahahahhahhahahahahah!!!! Whites! Buahahahaa! On the bike! Buahahaha!

– So, so. Is this the way to Mbale?

Bodziarzearze laugh continuously.

– Is this the way to Mbale.

Young man reiterates its question.

– So, so, there. Buahahahahaha.

A young man and his companion set off in the direction. In the background you can hear the laughter.


Scene 2

In the village. A young woman enters the store.

– Good morning. Are peanuts?

You can hear the laughter of customers shop.

– Wazungu want to buy peanuts, buahahaha, peanuts!

Seller shall peanuts.

– 1500 shilingów.

– 1500 shilingów?! Yet everywhere cost 500! Why me Lord pulls?

Laughter sellers and customers.

– Okay 1000.

– This is still not the real price!

– How much you want to pay?

– As much as everyone else, not whites price!

– Okay. 500 shilingów.

Young woman goes. In the background you can hear the laughter shopkeeper and customers.


Scene 3

In town. A young couple walks into a diner. All guests interrupt conversations and silent. With curiously look at the newcomers sitting down at the bench.

– Good morning. What do you have to eat?

– And what you want?

– And what you sell?

– All, what you want?

– Cassava with peanut sauce.

– No.

– It matoke with beans.

– No.

Young couple with exasperation.

– What is??????

– Only ugali with fish sauce.

– We ask. And two tea.

– No.

Moments later, the owner shouts from the kitchen.

– Whites, habit.

In the background you can hear the whispers of the other guests eatery.

Wazungu will eat ugali, wazungu will eat ugali, wazungu will eat ugali ......

Moments later, the room goes another wave of laughter and cheers.

– Wazungu ugali them hands, Europeans do rekami! He knows how to eat ugali! Buahahahahaha.

Tired of constant deference wazungu couple moves away from the village and seeks refuge in a secluded campsite overlooking the waterfall. For several days, the company they keep their inquisitive monkeys, and serve them for nourishment exotic fruits sold at a nearby stall, whose owner is the only one in the area not reproached the heroes of their skin color.



Short rest and consumption of added red banana leaves our heroes and soon moved on its way.



AKT II, in which the characters begin to feel despair.

Heroes: whites, headmaster and hundreds of children.


Scene 1

The school.

After many kilometers of exploration uninhabited piece of land, where you can pitch a tent heroes to give up and ask for hospitality at a nearby school. Director, after a short conversation authorize and indicates the position on break camp.

Meanwhile, our heroes gathered around a crowd of children.

Excited guests visiting atypical children in the amount of hundreds of pieces one by the second shout questions and hand pulling the characters need to be answered.

– Where are you from? Where to go? How to call? How are you? How many years have?

Tired all day ride and loud kids heroes hide tent. Children rattle in the tent and continue shouting questions.

– How much you will be here? Take us with him? Give us a bike? We can take a bottle? Give us sweets!

Seeing children impudence director disperses them and asks for peace. Children continue from afar.



Scene 2

In another school.

All the same way as in stage 1.



Scene 3

On the road.

Ubiquitous children run by cyclists with persistently repeated question.

– How are you wazungu? Whites, how do you do? How are you wazungu? Wazunguuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Wazunguuuuuuuuuuuu! Wazunguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! How are you? Wazunguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!


Scene 4

At a standstill.

Tired of driving heroes seek shelter in the shade. Ubiquitous children obsiadają them from all sides demanding of attention, sweets and money.


Driving away hear the crowing of cocks heroes and the lowing of cows. Both sounds seem to resemble the familiar cries:

– Wazunguuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, wazunguuuuuuuuuuuuuu, wazuuuuuuuuuungu!

The only joy heroes are exotic fruits available only in an amount comparable to the number of children in Uganda.


Zszarpanym soothing nerves but fun characters bring weapons lent by local school janitors.


AKT III, in which the heroes of despair caused by the lack of privacy, peace and rest leads them to seek refuge on a desert island once.

Place: Sese Islands on Lake Victoria

Heroes: whites, podstarzali German hippies, Ugandan party goers



Scene 1

The campsite run by two hippies from Germany podstarzałych.

– Hi. How are you? From a distance, you're going?

– From a distance, and still more to come.

– Aha, good. Welcome. Have you ever wondered who would you killed if you could do it with impunity?

– ??????? This can we we break a tent?

– Ok., ok., no problem talk to you later.


Scene 2

The campsite. Heroes enjoy a long-awaited peace and quiet.


The next day, go on a bike ride around the island.


Quickly, however, argue, that the island is no longer lonely, So seek refuge from all sides of up wazungowaniem, w skręcają the. The situation seems hopeless.



Scene 3

In the evening at the campsite. Comes from the surrounding ski loud disco music. Podpici German hippies attempt to intervene.

– You have neighbors you idols! Shut up! Ściszcie the damn music!

The event is extended into the early hours of the morning. Desperate hippies take the matter into their own hands.

– You bloody idiots Turn off the music or the shed rozwalimy!

No response from the "bloody morons" hippie caused the German attack on the average quality of the speaker of Chinese origin and permanent damage.

– Wy cholerni whites! Pip…………………………

Outraged "bloody idiots" insulted German wazungu and during attempts to save the next speaker of the German broke his hand hipisce.


Scene 4

The campsite. Morning.

German hippie with his arm in a sling comes to heroes.

– Hear, sorry about yesterday's adventures. All of us a little carried away. But they do it every day ...

– No problem. Us not to worry.

– Cool with you guys. That someone like you looking for. You do not want to take from us can carry a campsite in a year or two. We have a little rest in Germany.

– NIEEEEE! Not, not, thank you!

The next day, the characters move away from the once deserted island. Exhausted go to the Order of the Franciscans guest, where he will spend about wieleeee more time than originally planned!



Despite these difficult conditions demographic heroes managed to find a quiet place for a portrait on the occasion of the traditional round-digit.

This time, 10 000 km! :)